“Wonderment Unlocked: A Guide to Sparking Joyful and Insightful Curiosity and Deepening Connections with Your Kids!”

“Wonderment” is a term I created (with a different definition in mind) and use frequently in therapy with clients while discussing hard or complicated conversations they have to have with their children. I’ve come to cherish the concept and what it provides. At home I especially value it when engaging in discussions with my children to nurture their problem-solving and critical-thinking skills. It’s about creating an atmosphere where we explore ideas together, but instead of immediately providing answers, I share thoughts, concepts, or decisions and let them ponder and process on their own. This intentional approach aims to refrain from simply handing them solutions but, rather, to plant seeds of curiosity in their minds.

Nuturing A Child’s Emotional Development

“Wonderment” serves as a powerful tool in nurturing my children’s overall development by promoting brain health and strengthening our relational connection. Through wonderment-infused conversations, I create a supportive space where their thoughts and ideas are not only heard but deeply acknowledged, fostering a crucial sense of being seen and understood in our parent-child connection. This approach becomes a supportive tool in our parenting toolkit, encouraging independent analysis and contemplation. Rather than steering or manipulating their thought processes, wonderment offers guidance that empowers their minds to navigate challenges autonomously. In the realm of wonderment, our conversations transform into collaborative journeys, allowing their intellect to develop, ideas to sprout organically, and problem-solving skills to take root naturally. It’s a subtle yet powerful means to instill a love for exploration and self-discovery in our children.

Moreover, wonderment supports their emotional development by validating their perspectives and empowering them to trust their own thought processes. This approach instills confidence and resilience, as they learn to navigate and solve problems on their own. The emphasis on wonderment helps to create a positive and supportive environment, fostering emotional well-being and a healthy mindset.

Bonding Parent & Child: Collaboration

On a parent / child relational level, wonderment strengthens the bond between us. The act of exploring ideas together builds a collaborative foundation, where our conversations become a shared journey. Through wonderment, my children feel not only heard and seen but also supported in their quest for understanding. This sense of shared exploration contributes to a deepening connection, as they come to view our conversations as a safe space for expressing their thoughts and receiving thoughtful guidance.

In essence, wonderment becomes a multifaceted approach that not only supports cognitive and emotional development but also fortifies the relational ties between parent and child. It cultivates a positive environment where children feel valued, encouraged, and connected, laying the groundwork for their holistic growth and well-being.

Here are a few examples of how wonderment can be integrated into conversations between parents and children (notice how some situations could be times where we would feel the need to tell them what to do, how to feel or acknowledge bad or poor behavior):

1. Exploring Curiosities:

Situation: Child playing in backyard, has stick and looks at mom for reaction on what she may say or do if he throws it close to sister swinging, which is what he is making it look to be

Parent: “I wonder how many birds sat on that branch before it fell off that tree?”
Child: “Maybe a Eagle was on this branch, its so big!”
Parent: “WOW that would be so cool, I wonder if we should hold on to our stick and do something cool with it, what should we do?”
Child: “What if I put it on the sandbox and use it as a tight rope?!”
Parent: “Cool idea! Have fun!” 

2. Problem-Solving Scenarios:

Situation: Child is making themselves lunch and opens the deli drawer and there is no more Ham for their Ham and Cheese Sandwich

Child: “Mom! We’re out of Ham!”
Parent: “Thats a bummer, I will add it to the list. I wonder what else would taste good on the sandwich?” 
Child: “Ummmm, I don’t know what?”
Parent: “Sometimes when I run into a problem while cooking dinner I need to think about other things that can be a good substitute. See anything like that?”
Child: “Ugh, I wanted Ham. I do see Turkey though”
Parent: “I know thats not your first choice but would that work for today?”
Child: “Yea, it will be fine”

3. Decision-Making Discussions:

Scenario: Child comes home after losing terribly in a weekend tournament and wants to quit 

Parent: “I totally get it. Losing feels so defeating and disappointing.”
Child: “It was terrible! Did you see that catch I missed?! AND I went 1 for 4!”
Parent: “I wonder what parts of this weekend can’t be changed and I wonder what parts of this weekend have the chance to be different” 
Child: “That last team was so good, we looked like losers!”
Parent: “I wonder how they train and practice, do you think you do it the same or different from them?”
Child: “They must practice alot, they hardly made errors!”
Parent: “While mistakes may always happen, whats something you think you could improve on and see a difference for the next game?”
Child: “I want to hit better, I know I can. I think we need to go to the cages more mom”
Parent: “If that is what you want to focus on this week, let me know your plan and I will make sure to help you”

4. Reflecting on Emotions:

Situation: Child gets off the bus sad and crying. States another kid took her favorite toy and wouldn’t return it 

Parent: “Hmmmm that is a problem! We definitely need to try and get that back!… What do you suggest we do?”Child: “Can we call our bus driver, I was too sad to tell her getting off that my stuffy was taken”
Parent: “Thats a good start, I will call the bus depot and they can tell her. I am also wondering about when we get your stuffy back. Since this stuffy is so special to you, what do you think you’ll do once its returned?”
Child: “Oh, I am never bringing this stuffy to school again, even on pajama day! Its too special!”
Parent: “I like it, that is probably a good idea”

8. Personal Growth Reflections:

Situation: Child has been struggling with ideas of fairness and feeling like sometimes things just need to be given to them
Child: “I don’t want to play this game anymore, its so dumb! I never win and she won’t ever let me win!”
Parent: “I know that’s hard, you’re right.. I don’t remember if you have won yet?”
Child: “I haven’t! Its not fair! Everyone gets to win sometimes!”
Parent: “I wonder what we could do to help you win, are there any rules or moves that sometimes don’t make sense when you are playing chess?”
Child: “She is just better than me, thats all, I am not good”
Parent: “I wonder if there are any videos or books about chess that we could find. Do you think you would be interested in learning more?”
Child: “Well, maybe?”
Parent: “I wonder how it will feel the first time you win against your sister for real! Like, once you learn more about how to play versus if she just let you win sometimes?”

These examples illustrate how wonderment can be integrated into various aspects of parent-child conversations, encouraging exploration, a stronger sense of self, critical thinking, and a strong sense of connection.