Supporting each child individually

I see alot of myself in my son. He is cautious when exposed to new things, highly observant of his surroundings and has a pretty good conscious. I love that he has these qualities, but at times I know it can hold him back.

When I was little I wasn’t always pushed to experience new things. I was happy to stay in my comfort zone but often regretted not experiencing things my sibling or friends did.

When I continued to see these traits in my son it really made me think about how I wanted to handle being his parent. How do I respect his voice and feelings but still push and support him when I know he CAN do it. I wanted to be able to show him that sometimes we can feel scared about doing something new but do it anyways. I didn’t want to lie to him to get him to do things. I wanted to let him feel that amazing satisfaction of trying things that are scary but do it anyway!

One great example of these moments that I wanted to support and push him to do is riding a bike. The moment you ride a bike without training wheels is a huge milestone for ANY child. By the time they are ready to ride a bike they have passed some amazing life changing milestones (crawling, walking, words, sentences). Something I’ve always loved is that even though most of our children complete developmental milestones at or around the average age as they are supposed to we still see these things as purely amazing, magical and unbelievable. The heart of a parent, right?

With our son, we have tried to take the training wheels off before but confidence wise, he just wasn’t ready. He is a very coordinated, athletic child and comes by those types of things naturally. What stood in his way was fear and being nervous to mess up, fall and get hurt. Some days he completely protested getting on his non-training wheel bike. Most days when he would ride with training wheels I would do my parental duty to encourage and throw in little comments like “I can’t believe how well you ride with training wheels, you’re almost ready for them to come off!” as he looked at me in horror.

Just like any big change or transition in a child’s life I am a huge advocate for openly talking about it over and over again. We would talk about not riding with training wheels, we would be honest that he will most likely fall and may even “get a bleed.” We talked about friends he knows that ride on two wheels and have also fell but then rode their bike again. Mentally allowing a child to prepare for a change is one of the best ways to allow for a smoother transition. Listen to their worries, ask what they are excited for and what they may feel like when it actually happens.

This past weekend we went away as a family to celebrate my husbands birthday. A wonderful ocean beach town that was fully walkable and the house came with bikes and a razor scooter. My son opted to ride the scooter. He has only used a three wheel scooter, but this was two wheel. He did AMAZING. I love the sweet, innocent pride a child gets when they are proud of themselves but also see others are proud of them too. He totally ate it up and rode it everywhere all weekend. We continued to talk to him while he was riding that if he can do this scooter he can surely ride his bike. He has the balance and right now his confidence is being built up.

Upon returning home he tried to explain to us that when he is 5 he will ride with two wheels, (he also likes to tell us he will be better at putting his clothes away, cleaning up his toys, etc when he is 5). That night we decided it was the moment to not let him stay in his comfort zone but to push him. We reminded him he may fall but he will learn not to fall. We let him start by riding in the grass, then on the driveway. Not to our surprise he did great! He was his own biggest barrier. He wouldn’t pedal fast enough and fall over but always caught himself. He would stop far before a fence or a bush. He was figuring out his surrounding and barriers but all while doing it on two wheels. Seeing his face, and seeing him accomplish such a feat was amazing. Hearing a child who feels proud of himself exclaim “I did it! I am so proud of myself!” was such an amazing moment. I have always tried to teach and encourage my children to be emotionally aware and for me it was such a full circle moment!

It will be interesting to see what happens when my other two kids are ready for the same milestone. I am sure it will look different. They are all different and will need different areas and levels of support. For my middle child, we probably won’t be teaching her to ride of two wheels but telling her she cannot ride off our roof into the swimming pool.