Pregnancy and Mental Health

We all arrive at this place (pregnancy) differently. Some planned, some unplanned, some at a good time, some not, some after miscarriages and some after thousands of dollars and a lot of doctor’s appointments.

I remember the complete excitement turned horror of realizing I was pregnant. 
My mind shifted from slow motion to this fast forward / over drive speed. The sudden realization this tiny and massive change was happening at that very moment. I remember thinking… never mind! HA! I take it back! 

It is unbelievably powerful when you find out you are pregnant and you are instantly a mom. I remember my mother saying “you will become a mom when you find out you are pregnant, he will become a dad when the baby is placed in his arms.” It is so true, in that moment everything for me changed, my body was working overtime but my mind was truly changed forever. My husband was acting excited (terrified I’m sure) but I truly do not believe reality hit him until he held our son. 

Before becoming pregnant I would say I had some mild Anxiety about some things and certain situations. You could categorize me as the nervous one, the “did I leave the stove on?” or “what was that sound?” kind of person. I am hyper-aware of my surroundings in big groups like baseball games or concerts. Our struggles do not leave us when we become pregnant. 

You hear about all the changes that happen to you physically when you become pregnant, but not as much about the changes mentally. Or, shall I say, the mental changes that happen AS you continue to physically change. What do you do when all people do is talk about pregnancy in a positive “this is the best time of life” way, and all you want to do is tell someone…this SUCKS! What do you do when you tried for years, spent thousands of dollars for something you’ve always wanted only to feel like crap, and wish this was over but have guilt that complaining would be wrong.

What about… 
the fear
the anxiety
the depression
the constant need to make sure my baby is okay
the body issues
the fake expectation of pregnancy 
the making big life / job decisions
the sex life continuing when you don’t want it to
the whole MY LIFE IS TOTALLY CHANGING!!

Personally, my biggest issues stemmed from my anxiety. Because I know myself well, I know that I get uncomfortable when I am not in control. This isn’t with everything, but feeling in control of my own body is a big one. It felt very weird to not be in control of my growing body… I could not fully control how “big” I got. I also had a bigger problem that I was growing a child that could leave me. I felt in control and not in control of this baby at the same time. Eat healthy things, exercise, relax, etc were things I could control to help the baby. BUT what if there is a problem and I cannot control it. A nightmare for someone with Anxiety! 

I am a strong advocate for doing what you think is right for yourself. Whether you were cared for by a Midwife or Obstetrician (Ob) making sure you have a voice in your own pregnancy is key. I was cared for by a wonderful Ob who did an excellent job caring for me PHYSICALLY. As a therapist I remember thinking… how has no one asked (other than some intake forms) about my mental health throughout my pregnancy? Even someone was experiencing a completely healthy pregnancy why wouldn’t they check in about this in more detail than the typical easy to answer questions? I desperately at times wanted them to care more than just my blood pressure, my weight and the babies heart beat. WHY did they not care about me as much emotionally?! Well… they aren’t trained to (completely). Now, don’t get me wrong… I am in no way being negative towards Obs, they are just specifically trained to keep the baby and the mom alive and healthy. THAT is their job. When I was experiencing this I was shocked and saddened by the lack of mental health support. 

My hope is more advocay and normalization will occur in the coming years to support the integration of Pregnancy and Mental Health.