Potty Training: A Survivors Story

When I was getting ready to potty train my first, who turned two a month or so before, I prepped. I looked up blogs (as any ‘modern’ mom does) and sites that specialized in potty training. What I found? Not much. In the sense that we don’t have too much control over the true act of potty training. Leading a horse to water type of idea. One thing I found particularly frustrating is that if they are NOT ready it shouldn’t happen and if you force it you are creating more challenges.

Thankfully, my son was happy to stop while walking and tell us he was peeing and pooping. He was very interested in us using the potty and wanted to see how we did it and what was happening.

I chose the “3 day – $75 method” as I knew we could stay home Thursday-Monday without too many outings and really focus on the task at hand. One big problem with this method, they need to rewrite the title. I should say the “7 day – Near loss  of sanity, bring more wine and still pay $75 method”… but that is just me.

As a Child and Family Therapist who specialized in behavior, positive reinforcement is one of the key interventions we implement so I knew I wanted to include that. I printed out cute little sticker charts (thanks Pintrest!) and bought him a couple small toys as his prizes for completing a sticker chart. Every time he went potty he got a sticker (no negative consequence, just a natural consequence of needing to clean up his mess). First sticker chart had 5 spaces. Once that one was filled and a new one would be needed I increased the empty boxes by 5. The goal for positive reinforcement is for it to naturally increase in expectation and then to phase out. This means the behavior is kept consistent but the reward is no longer interesting or needed. This then removes the need for a chart and hopefully the behavior of using the potty stays consistent. If there is a regression, simply go back to a sticker chart. Rewards additionally can be anything, not just toys so be creative!

Oh, also I had a 5 month old I was nursing at the time (any good story has a twist).

Day 1:
I woke up on day one feeling optimistic! All possible ways to succeed were right there in front of me.

I took some books out, some games and had the TV on (remember we’re modern parenting here). My hope was to keep him in only one or two rooms so I could keep an eye on him. He knew today was the day as we talked for almost a week about him soon going on the potty and no diaper. (This part is is important, talking about any transition is so key!) Mentally, it gets them prepared rather than feeling like the change is just thrown at them.

After breakfast the kids and I headed into the TV room, where I had the little potty. I took off his diaper, and left him bare from the waist down. While we have a playroom I brought some of his favorites in so he would stay in there more. Day 1 involved ALOT of accidents (or learning the sensation of pee exiting the body) While he knew in a diaper he was going he may have just been reporting that he was wet NOT the true sensation of pee exiting the body. So, please be prepared that Day 1 (or more) is mostly about learning the bodily sensations… not about pee making it to the potty every time! This is STILL Progress! Celebrate it!

The first couple days are painfully boring. You sit ALOT. You wait ALOT. You wait even more and then eventually say “okay buddy you can get up, but we still need to pee on the potty” just for them to pee on the floor moments after getting up! DO NOT get frustrated at them for their “accident”, and consider not calling it an accident… I called it a “mess” at first. Additionally, if you begin to get upset they will typically regress and no more success will be had. (Cue the wine).

When a mess would happen, I had him clean it up, I would say “Uh oh! We made a mess, please go get the towel!” (then obviously went back over it with a real cleaner). Why have them clean it up? Children, like adults will soon be tired of making messes JUST to have to clean them up immediately, and it is a natural consequence! So, don’t fear if they think its fun at first… it won’t last long. This is teaching them many vital lessons all at the same time. The immediate lesson is that they won’t want to pee on the floor because then they have to stop playing, dancing, watching tv, etc to clean up a yucky mess.  Also, as a behavior therapist I like to teach responsibility and accountability. ALL children are capable of being responsible for their items, their clothes, their environment. Age and developmental abilities all impact how much they are but they all are. I could go onto more of a soap box about this but instead I will save that for another post. 

Day 2-3:
Days 1-3 feel like a bit of ground hogs day. You are really just helping your child acknowledge their body’s signals and limiting their freedom (I felt like I was a crazy helicopter parent, which I am not). “Where are you going?”, “Please don’t sit on the couch… how about the floor”, “Okay, now that you had some water you will soon need to pee!”, “Do you have to put pee in the potty?”, “No, pee isn’t like water, please don’t play in it”.
Days 2-3 will have some great moments where you think they really may be getting the hang of this! Then you relax a little on your hovering and asking them if they have to sit on the potty just for them to pee on the couch. THE HORROR. You say your “Uh oh, We made a mess, please go get the towel and clean it up!” while crying silently inside knowing you now get to wash couch cushions.

Days 4-7: 
Life cannot be a prison for any longer. You have the world to get back to. Work, preschool, grocery shopping, escaping isolation outings, drive thru coffee while the baby sleeps in the car, the usual!

After about a week I believe you will get an understanding about how aware your child will be of their need to use the potty. You will also start naturally backing off and obsessively checking on them. You’ll find out if they try to delay using the potty (resulting in accidents). This is when you may see some regression and could start feeling frustrated.

Days 4-7 are a make or break for continuing potty training. It is “easy” to do it for 3 days, but really… you now have added another “thing” to your multi-tasking list. (No wonder moms are or feel scatter brained!!!)

Days 4-7 I also worked on bringing the little potty into the bathroom from the TV room. This also results in accidents due to location change but they will adjust as well.

Weeks 1-4:
After the first week is over the real challenge is balancing the new routine and getting back to life. Being brave and not putting on a pull up to go to the grocery store and other outings. This to me was more terrifying. I remembering picturing pee going all over my groceries if he had an accident in the shopping cart. Thankfully, it never happened … but you know it has happened to someone! Some moms like to put a little potty that had a lid in the back of their car for easy use while out. We had less accidents while out than I expected, but they did happen.

By this time I was phasing out the sticker chart. I moved to giving him a sticker for everyday he stayed totally dry. If he had an accident and was upset he didn’t get a sticker I would simply remind him we will try again tomorrow. Do not say “well how about if we go the rest of the day dry you will still get the sticker.” They will learn they can make a mistake and still get the reward. This is not life. It is truly not the end of the world, even if they react like it is. AND imagine the pride in themselves the next day when they do stay dry and get to put on that sticker!?

Life after potty training:

If you were like me, you may have already had another baby or will be having other children. Because of that, you get to look forward to a crawling baby getting in to little potty and playing in it. You get to look forward to potty training ANOTHER child. When it was time to potty train my second who is a girl I simply dreaded it. We are still in the deep dirty trenches of potty training and were 2 months in. I am scarred for life… my third can wear diapers to kindergarten. I thought about writing about potty training number two… but its still too raw and fresh. haha!!