Dear Parents,

As the holiday season approaches, I want to share some thoughts about its purpose and focus, especially as we navigate the joys and challenges of giving to our children and loved ones. Many of us, particularly moms, carry the hope of creating a season filled with joy and connection. Yet, the reality often comes with unexpected emotions, both for us and our children.

The holidays are thrilling but can also overwhelm our nervous systems. This is especially true for children, whose brains process excitement, anticipation, and rewards in unique ways. Understanding how our brains work during this time can help us create a more balanced and meaningful holiday season.

The Overwhelmed Holiday Brain: Understanding Dopamine

The holiday season brings a mix of excitement and stress, much of which is rooted in how our brains process dopamine, the neurotransmitter responsible for reward and pleasure. Dopamine is key in motivation and anticipation—it’s not just about the moment we receive something pleasurable but the build-up to it.

When we anticipate a special event or reward, like opening gifts or attending a holiday party, our brains release dopamine in waves. These waves energize us and fuel our excitement. For children, with their vivid imaginations and developing emotional regulation, this anticipation can feel enormous.

The Dopamine Crash

Here’s the tricky part: once the anticipated event or reward arrives, the actual dopamine release may not match the brain’s expectations. For example, if a child imagined a certain gift or experience would feel like a 10 on the “reward scale” but it only delivers a 6, their brain experiences a mismatch.

Afterward, dopamine levels often drop below their baseline—a post-dopamine “low.” This is a natural biological response to a surge of anticipation but can leave kids (and adults) feeling irritable, disappointed, or even a little sad, just ask any Swiftie 2 days post Eras Tour euphoria.

What might look like ungratefulness, moodiness, or a tantrum is often a child’s brain recalibrating. Understanding this can help us respond with empathy instead of frustration.

Normalizing the Post-Holiday “Low” for Kids

Understanding this neurological process allows us to guide our children through the ups and downs of holiday excitement:

1. Explain the Dopamine Rollercoaster

Use simple metaphors, like comparing excitement to climbing a big hill on a rollercoaster. “When we’re excited about something, it’s like climbing up really high, but once it’s over, we have to come down the hill. That’s normal, even if it doesn’t always feel good.”

2. Reframe Their Experience

If a child feels let down after an event or gift, remind them that it’s not a failure of the holiday or the gift but their brain’s natural response. For example: “Your brain got really excited and grabbed a big bucket for this moment, but it’s okay that it didn’t feel as big as you thought. It happens to everyone.”

3. Focus on the Memories, Not the Moment

After big events, help kids shift their focus to what they enjoyed. Ask questions like, “What was your favorite part of today?” This reinforces gratitude and helps their brain process the positive aspects rather than the letdown.

How Parents Can Be Mindful of the Dopamine Cycle

1. Balance Excitement with Calm

Intentionally create moments of calm leading up to big events. Practices like deep breathing, sensory activities (e.g., playing with kinetic sand or listening to soothing music), or quiet family time can help balance the nervous system.

2. Avoid Overhyping Events or Gifts

While it’s natural to build anticipation, try to focus on the season as a whole rather than a single “magic” moment. For example, instead of saying, “You’re going to LOVE what’s under the tree!” try, “I think you’ll enjoy everything we’ve planned this holiday season.”

3. Teach Self-Regulation Tools

Equip kids with strategies to manage big emotions, like pausing to take deep breaths or naming their feelings. Modeling this behavior yourself can also be a powerful lesson.

4. Prepare for the Post-Holiday Dip

Plan something small and low-key for the days after a big holiday event, like a family walk, a cozy movie night, or a simple art project. This helps ease the transition back to everyday life and provides a gentle dopamine boost.

The Gift Guide: Balancing the “Bucket”

Gifts are a key part of holiday traditions, and variety is essential to keeping expectations balanced. Here’s a simple guide to creating a well-rounded mix of presents for your kids:

1. Something They Want

A long-anticipated toy or item, helping fulfill their specific desires.

2. Something They Need

Practical but enjoyable gifts, such as new sneakers or art supplies.

3. Something to Read

Books or magazines that match their interests, encouraging imagination and learning.

4. Something to Do

Activities that spark creativity or movement, like LEGO sets, sports gear, or science kits.

5. Something for the Family

A gift that fosters connection, such as a board game or family-friendly project.

6. Something for You

Add an element of surprise with a small, quirky gift that wasn’t on their radar—like a funny hat, a small gadget, or a novelty item, ornament etc 

By considering the brain’s natural responses and creating a balanced approach to the holidays, we can make this season joyful, realistic, and full of meaningful connection for both kids and parents. Give space for the nervous system of the family and know, you have good kids who don’t yet know how to fully regulate. Show grace and empathy for when their nervous system is overwhelmed and don’t let those moments feel bigger than the joyous ones. 

Wishing you a season of balance and real family interactions,
Emma