The Witching Hour

The witching hour, “Zero” hour, hand me the wine hour… 

which ever you may call it, its can be 

the true test of a parents patience after a long day 

Remember when you were pregnant or around other kids and you thought to yourself that you would NEVER do such things when you were a parent. Cue the witching hour and if those things haven’t happened … they will then! Witching hours is often before and during dinner time… or after dinner if you eat early.

Its when infants and children show us their brain has done too much thinking, feeling, listening, processing and they are ready to regress to their primitive brain to survive until bedtime. 

I myself find that I also regress to my primitive brain during zero hour after managing three little half humans all day. I laughed with my husband the other night that I had the “I am my mother moment”… the one where you did something your mom did that you couldn’t stand. They also happen more than I care to admit. 

I was so frustrated with the constant reminding, pestering, refereeing that something broke me. I got so frustrated (and felt throwing something or punching a wall) I started stomping as I asked them for the last time to put their plates on the table. They looked at me wide eyed probably thinking “moms broken”. They obviously then put the plates on the table. 

It isn’t that I am a crazy dictator who expects perfection out of a 4 and 2 year old. It was the culmination of me working my butt off to be patient and kind to my 2 older kids while managing a baby who wouldn’t sleep unless I held her. It was the desire to have a  nice family dinner once my husband got home. It was my inner thought process wondering why my voice wasn’t being valued. It was my tired self feeling uninterested in being the only one managing all of the emotions in the house for the entire day. 

As a trained Mental Health Therapist that spent most of the last 5 years working in Private Practice with young children specifically I often laugh realizing the traps I put myself into. 

The Witching Hour is a perfect trap for tired parents who are struggling to keep themselves self-aware enough to not fall into the traps set before them. This isn’t an insult. Its just our brains become so tired we can’t see what were walking into. Our own emotional needs get in the way during this time of day. We may already feel the day has totally steamrolled us. Then, when we yell at our kids or overreact we put guilt or shame on ourselves for how we’ve acted. 

Here are some ways to remain in control and aware during times like the Witching Hour, or any hour really:

1. Show yourself empathy and grace. What you’ve done in the past is lessons to learn from, not regrets. Set a goal to learn from things you don’t want to happen again. 

2. Know that chaos doesn’t have to travel. You can be around chaos and not feel chaotic. This is done through being self-aware. The state of being present in the moment and knowing what you are feeling and thinking. Its the golden secret for parenting. I will write a post dedicated to self-awareness as it is that important. 

3. Take breaks. Just like kids, adults deserve them too. Sometimes it can feel hard to escape to pee, go to your room to get something but giving yourself 1-2 minutes to refocus yourself will allow the next 20-30 minutes to be more successful. Talk to yourself, and most importantly your brain when you take a break. Ask yourself what you need in that moment. Quiet? Deep breathing? A song to play? Stretching? Do something intentional and positive for yourself. Come back refocused. Don’t talk yourself out of giving yourself a break. A break can look like sitting on the couch with your child but inwardly you are focusing on yourself and your needs. 

4. Lower your expectations. We’ve talked a lot about you as the parent during witching hour. Lets get back to the kids for a moment. We often expect too much of them at times. If someone paused the day and asked you to recount why your kids were having a hard time you could look back and realize how long and sensory overloading the day could have been. You would realize they need a break too. They though don’t quite have the skills and tools for such things. You are their teacher. You are their example. Allow yourself to empathize with what might be happening in their body. You can show compassion without giving into their tantrums. Also, remember that sometimes their tiny little bodies may just need to lay on the floor and cry because you screwed on their water bottle lid too tight. You are not responsible for their behaviors. Don’t give into the chaos. Show love and compassion and know sometimes we deserve to be tired and upset. 

5. Do a bedtime recap. Talk it out with kids that would understand. Process the hard times. Since they may be calmer they may have some insight into their witching hour. Share things you struggled with (how to lead by example), share ways for them to use more words and less behavior. Talk about how we can learn from our mistakes and struggles. Tell them, and most importantly yourself that you will try again. 

Then, when all are in bed and all the dishes are done and the million other things taken care of, treat yourself well. Give yourself some self-care (another post will be about this!). Give yourself grace and remind yourself you are trying.