Healthy Emotional Waves and Children

A Rocky Start

A couple of days ago, my 6-year-old son woke up feeling pretty low. Nothing was going right. He did some unkind things towards his sisters, and then, after two requests by me not to spin his spoon quickly on the edge of his cereal bowl, it flung off the counter and onto the floor. “Today is the worst!” he shouted as he ran and dug his head into a pillow.

Especially now, during COVID, I as the parent just want them to have good days. There are so many stressful and unknown circumstances happening, and unlike other real-life “adult” worries, COVID doesn’t seem to have an age range for awareness and understanding, even 2-year-olds get it.

Acknowledging Disappointment In Kids

Even with all the sometimes fake and fluffy excitement over different things to do, disappointment creeps back in to adults AND children. That’s when I realized I really don’t need to make him be happy. Happiness is one emotional state, and the other emotional states at times are far more aligned with their current present moment and feelings.

Impact of COVID on Children’s Emotional Wellbeing

Even a child needs and deserves a down day. This thought came to me when I walked outside to see the family picture my son drew… I stood there and just felt so sad for him, and wished he would just be happier.

When children are sad, disappointed, or frustrated, there is usually a very literal, tangible, or rational reason. This time, I think my son’s low day was due to the absence of so many events in his life. Missing friends, not seeing any of his grandparents in over 6 months, no real schedule, canceled get-togethers, and the list goes on.

To be honest, I’ve had several low days since COVID began, and I am a pretty emotionally balanced person usually. Sometimes, to move through deep emotions we have to exist in them and bring ourselves out when we are ready.

Learning from Deep Emotions

A lot can be learned going through deep emotions like sadness, even for a 6-year-old. I mean, think about it, part of being a child is learning smaller life sessions so that when you gradually become an adult you have had micro experiences on the way to allow you to handle other struggles more appropriately.

Once I saw my son’s picture on the driveway, I realized I needed to give him space. He needed this low day. After all, he was in a safe space to be there; I mentally created a soft and cushy space for him. Human beings are not wired or meant to be happy and content every single day.

Supporting Emotional Awareness and Regulation

As a Mental Health Therapist, some of the most common reasons young children are brought into therapy is for difficulty in emotional awareness and regulation. They report their child only really finds the extremes of emotions, and they struggle to identify why they are feeling these intense emotions.

The example of ocean waves comes to mind. What my son was experiencing, though, was small swells in a Bay or Sound. Those emotions are good for the soul. Those small changes help kids learn more about themselves, and help parents learn more about their kids.

Providing a Safe Space for Low Day

That day, I made sure to give him a safe space to have a low day without trying to actually bring him out of it. I reminded him that sometimes we have low days, but we can still treat others around us with kindness.

Encouraging Communication and Validation

hared with him that he maalone time or want to do something with me or someone else, and to just use his words to let me know. I repeated the words he used to label his emotions back to him to let him know I heard him, and could validate his present feelings.

Discovering Comfort in Activities

That day, I paid attention to what he was seeking out as activities, I shared with him that evenings I was proud of him for being kind while having a hard day. I then shared with him what I noticed he was doing that day.

Teaching Self Validation

I asked him if some of those activities made him feel better on a down day, his reply was “yes”. My goal at the end of the day was to help him understand his day wasn’t wrong, his day was, in fact, just what he needed. He gave his emotions what they needed, and I told him that when he wakes up in the morning, his mood may be more lifted since he was kind to himself that day.

The Realistic Outcome

Thankfully, the next morning he happily woke up and reported that it was going to be a good day, since he got his “gross day” out of his system. Honor and respect what your mind needs, just as much as your body… especially in times like now!!